Are you in all the way?

"If your whole heart is not in it, you will never win it"

A few years ago after my divorce, I met somebody and moved in with her. I kept my own house, and at that time I was still unsure about the relationship. I did not take all my clothes and shoes in my move. Some time after I had some ceilings replaced at my home. When I got there after a few days, my shoes and some of my clothes were gone. Only today it occurs to me that if I have gone all-inn and moved all my belongings, I would still have my shoes. 

When you look at your life, relationships and work included, ask yourself if you are all in? As we say in the Four Pillars, is your whole being committed? If not, why not?

1. Doubt:

We do not always, if ever, know if we are making the right choices in life. We weigh up the positives and negatives, and as a practice we write them down. Doubt will always be part of our lives when making decisions, this is realistic. The problem with doubt is not doubt in itself, but the doubt that you carry into the decision you have made. 

I remember the story of the young bride asking her granmother on her wedding night: "Granmother, how did you manage to stay married for 40 years?" Her grandmother replied: "My dear child, the night before my wedding I sat down and wrote down all the things that bothered me in your grandfather. Then I decided to still marry him, despite all  the doubts. But most importantly, I shredded the list, deciding to never think of those things ever".

If you carry the doubtfulness with you, you will always be unhappy, especially when things get bumpy. Then you start blaming yourself or the people around you. You put the blame on the doubt instead of taking responsibility for YOUR decision. 

As a marriage councillor, I have heard a lot of stories like: "He hasn't changed, he still drinks and go out with his friends". As much as I understand that getting married brings a new responsibility and change is neccesary, people don't often change. And if we can't accept people or situations as they are, and accept that it might never change, we will be unhappy. If you can not accept things and carry doubt into the decision, you will have a bumpy ride ahead of you.

2. Take the good with the bad:

The world revolves around wanting to be extatic and happy all the time. The world simply does not work that way. It is a balancing act, and if you only want the good without the bad, you will be miserable. Positive and negative things is part and parcel of life. 

This becomes easier if you are all-in. When you love who you are, who you are withand what you do with all your heart, you manage it better. Then yousee everything as part of your journey. In my current relationship, where I think I am all-in, the hardships endured brings us closer together as a team. 

When you are half-hearted, even the good and positive is half the fun, while it seems that the negative is quadrupled. Once you take all of you and give all you have, then you even see the negative as part of the journey, part of the plan and you draw and learn from it.

3. No looking back:

When the Israelites were freed from slavery in Egypt they travelled through the desert. This was not easy and when they grew hungry, they looked back to the pots of food of Egypt. You would ask the question: "Why would you want to go back to slavery?" Exactly.

We need to understand how people work. We are motivated to move and make decisions because we are driven to it. Being spiritual, you also believe that things and opportunities present itself to move you to your destiny, as was the Israelites. Looking back deminishes the belief in God and what is in store for you.

"So don't look back and keep one foot in the past, leave your doubt's and pack all your shoes"

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