When you want to give up

"Winners never quit, and quitters never win"

We have all seen quotes like this going around, but sometimes you have a bad day or a bad experience, how do you handle this?

In my business, today is close-off, and if cases are not issued today, then I don't receive any commission. It is frustrating, because there are a lot of documentation that needs to be filled in with clients, clients are not answering their phones or are busy with meetings. Ok, ok, I hear you: "Why wait for the last moment to get things done?"

I have asked myself that question many times over the last 20 years. The answer is simple, when there is a cut-off, it plays a huge role in your life, but you try to the last moment to get as much business through as you probably can. The stress is overwhelming sometimes on the days coming up to close-off. And sometimes you just feel to let everything go and give up trying. The question is, why do some give up, and why do others keep going?

1. You are not alone:

Whenever I want to give up, I just think that this is reality, not only for me, but for many people every day. It is nothing personal, things happen, and they happen to everybody. When things get hard, we tend to make it a personal issue and feel that the world has it's knife in for us. We tend to utter phrases like: "Why don't things work out for me", "Why can't things just go right for me once" and "Yes, it is because it is my case that they hammer on me".

When we understand that life is not necessarily meant to be perfect, mistakes happen and that it is nothing personal, we tend to look at the situation differently. You are in a real world, with real obstacles and challenges like everybody else.

2. Do what you can:

We tend to focus so much on the things that we can not change, that it steals our ability and energy to do the things that we can. Walking around and moping and complaining only makes you feel worse. I tend to think that it is not always a good thing to "vent" your feelings. I find that, especially the negative emotions that I vent, leads to me feeling even worse. That might just be me, but I have seen that these feelings snowball into even more and more things to complain about.

On days like these, I try to focus on what I can do, based on the fact that I can only do what I can do. I am not in control of underwriters not attending to my case first. I am not in control over the fact that an e-mail is not answered or lodged on the system. I am not in control over the client not doing what I ask him immediately. But I do have control over phoning the client, making sure the underwriters have all they need and to send the required e-mails. I do have control, as a realist, to follow up, check, phone and mail.

Once I have done what I can, then I understand that I can look back tonight at 00.00, and accept what happened with the feeling that I did my best. Maybe I will also learn the lesson to make sure things are done earlier in the month, but as long as I can look myself in the eye, that's enough.

Like everything in life, having said this, there also has to be balance, because saying that you are doing your best might just be an excuse for failure. The great Danie Craven (Springbok rugby player and Varsity Coach) once asked a player who had a bad day: "What did you call that what you did today on the field", the player replied: "I did my best coach" on which the coach replied: "Never ever do your best again". Sometimes you need to be true to yourself, and if you have screwed up, do not sugar coat it with the idea that you did your best. You can lie to everybody around you, but not to yourself.

3. Do something useful:

One of the main reasons we want to give up, is the feeling that you are incapable and useless. Although you know in the long run that this is not true, in that moment you find yourself helpless. One of the main things you want to avoid is self-pity.

This is a trick that I often do when I feel like giving up or when things don't go my way. Like this morning I started writing this blog. After a while I was feeling a lot better about myself. I gave myself the feeling that I am doing something useful, while I am waiting for answers and things to fall into place. Ok, writing might not be your thing, but go wash the dishes, go read an article on the internet or go and wash your car. Doing something useful, makes you feel useful and it is amazing how much energy you get from this.

One of the reasons why people give up, is that they keep on focusing on the negative situation over and over again. When you have a cut on your hand and you keep on touching it, does not make it better. You constantly remind yourself about the pain. This might look like you are ignoring the issue, not true. Sometimes the best way to resolve something is just to let it go for a bit and to give time for it to resolve. Checking your e-mail every 2 seconds will not get you the e-mail quicker.

4. Be lenient:

This might sound weird, especially in a stressful scenario, but throwing your toys will not get you the answers and the resolve quicker. There might be times when you have to bold your fists, but in my experience you get helped better if you handle the people with lenience and respect. From my experience this morning, when I started to relax a little bit, handled people with a soft voice, things changed around. We all know the wording: "First understand before you can ask to be understood". Everybody at my company is under enormous stress today, they are being called by angry agents chasing deals. If I am the one who calls with a soft voice and cracks a joke or two, I can promise you they will attend to my cases with another attitude.

One of the most important things also to remember in life, is to be lenient to yourself as well. You are not the center of the universe, and the world thus does not revolve around you. This is much easier when you feel like you have, in your heart and soul, tried your best.

"A real salesman is never satisfied with what he has accomplished, but he should be proud of what he has accomplished, always!"

5. Move on:

Professional golfers do their very best to have this mode of thinking, especially after a bad hole or a bad shot. Naturally you have to put your score down, doesn't matter how bad it went. But if you keep on dwelling on the mistakes and on the mishaps, you will stay in that mode and will most probably not do good on the next hole. So many studies have shown that if you can move on from a bad experience, that the likelihood of creating success is much higher in the future.

You do have to learn from the past, for sure, but don't dwell on it. Tomorrow is a new day, and you have to draw from your experience. If you had a bad month, don't go and sit in the corner in self-pity, but the feeling that you had when you did not get to your goal, might be just the inspiration you need not to want to feel that way again in future.

6. Reward yourself:

We sometimes forget the most important person in our lives, ourselves. We need to, not only be more lenient to ourselves and with ourselves, but we also need to give ourselves a pat on the back once we have achieved something. What better way to do this, than to buy yourself something nice. I am not talking Ferrari here, even the smallest of things can be a reward in itself, as long as you are telling yourself that it is a reward.

This does two things. Firstly, it creates a positivity in you. Always remember that although you live in your own body, you have a relationship with yourself. No relationship works if one party takes and takes and don't give anything back. You take so much out of your body in the way of physical power and emotionality, that you need to reward and give back at some stage. Your body and mind is like a car, you can not keep on driving and driving and never fill up the tank.

Secondly, rewarding yourself is a motivation for the new day, week or month ahead. Giving yourself positive feedback in this manner helps you through the tough times ahead.

"Focusing only on paying your bills will not make you a better salesman, it makes you a survivor"

7. Share:

I started many years ago, with only spare change in my pocket, to buy a bread and giving it away to a random stranger. This may be anybody, don't complicate it. I truly believe in the concept of balance, and to share when you have received something, is re-balancing yourself to the world around you. You may believe in God or in something else like the universe that is in control of the balance, that is your story. But I believe that sharing what you have is a basic calling for all people. Remember, what you have is only grace, and not an entitlement, and by giving away you are being thankful.

By buying and giving away I create a feeling inside of me, and that feeling is that I am making a difference in the world. We sometimes feel that we want to give up when we feel that we are not a player in the game of life. By sharing you are again running onto the field, getting involved and feel in some kind of control of your life. You might think that you are playing games with your mind, but your mind and emotions works like a computer, garbage in – garbage out. And it is your mind and emotions, you can do with them whatever you want. And if you decide to give away the bread, your mind will automatically change the way you look at yourself, the world and ultimately what you do, be it sales or be it any other relationship that you are in.

In my "Four pillar approach", we motivate from 4 perspectives, the heart, soul, power and knowledge. We believe that the "soul" is our connection with something bigger than what we see around us, in my world it is God. Sharing your time or just a bread with somebody fuels my connection with my God, and being able to share shows my thankfulness for what I have and what I was given. When you start connecting in this fashion, you will feel whole.

Conclusion:

When it comes to our lives, we are on a journey. We discover many things about our world, about people and about ourselves. Giving up comes from a feeling that we are not good enough and we do not meet the targets that we set ourselves. Your mind is a powerful thing, and so is your habits.

"By thinking differently, you will feel differently and you will do differently"

We all know this, there is extensive research done on this, but we need constant reminding of this fact. What I have given you in this article is not the Holy Grail of sales, but just small things that you can do to keep you going, to stand up and show up. Sometimes it is the small things that we do that create the big outcomes.

"No matter how you feel today, get up, dress up & show up"

Paulo Coelho